is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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