I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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