We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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