you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
