he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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