no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
