he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
People in love make me want to vomit
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
