I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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