If i come over, it means nothing
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
