dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
