Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
