I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Still dying that you shit outside
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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