Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
