Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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