His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
