can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
