His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
