So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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