2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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