I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
