You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
