Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
