There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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