How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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