OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think your dad took our porno
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
