chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
