I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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