Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
