I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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