I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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