Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
