i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
