Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
