The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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