Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The adults are the big ones right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
