The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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