I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
