I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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