I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
