How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
