if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
