I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
