We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
