She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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