I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
