My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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