he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
