i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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