Your face is a jimmy john
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
