Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
