At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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