did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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