R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
