ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
