If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
